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Post by Tom A. Saiyan on Feb 5, 2014 3:47:40 GMT
Meron ba kayong kwentong nakakatawa? Yung mga nangyari sa inyo o kung hindi man sa mga kakilala ninyo... kahit kwentong barbero... mga joke na nakapagpatawa sa inyo... kahit corny... mga witty line or quote...
kahit green jokes 
Post ninyo naman para mabasa...Ako napanood ko ang skit ng Banana Split tungkol sa Valentine's... tinanong nung babae si John Pratts kung saan daw siya dadalhin ni John.... sabi ni John kung saan daw nagpupunta ang lovers kapag Valentine's... nagalit si babae dahil iniisip ng babae na sa motel sila pupunta... kesyo hindi raw siya ganoong babae... sabi ni John na sa sinehan daw sila pupunta... tapos sagot ng babae... "Pwede ba doon?" iniisip niya na sa sinehan sila mag-sesex...
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Post by Tom A. Saiyan on Feb 5, 2014 3:52:27 GMT
ERAP: LOI WHILE LABORING...
Erap phoned a doctor, asking for assistance.
Erap: Doc, what will I do? Loi is laboring and she’s in pain.
Doctor: Is this her first baby?
Erap: No, this is Erap.
ERAP: WHAT VITAMIN, A B OR C?
Erap went to a drug store to buy some vitamins...
Erap: I’d like some vitamins for my Grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Erap: It doesnt matter, cause he can’t read yet!!!
ERAP, PAKI - INGLES NGA ITO....
Isang araw, tinanong si erap ng mga estudyante...
Students: Ano po ang English ng nagpakamatay?
Erap: Suicide.
Students: Eh iyong namatay sa bahay?
Erap: Homicide.
Students: Eh iyon pong namatay dahil sa daga?
Erap: Pesticide.
Students: Eh iyong namatay na magkatabi?
Erap: Sidebyside.
Students: Eh iyong namatay habang nakikipagtalik, sir?
Erap: Insexticide.
USAPANG MAG - AMA...
Isang araw, nag - usap sina Erap at Jinggoy...
Erap: Ngayong tapos ka na ng high school, ano ang kukunin mo sa kolehiyo?
Jinggoy: Law po.
Erap: Ano? Tapos ka na ng HIGH, babalik ka pa sa LOW?!
HATI NG PALDA...
Isang gabi, nagbigay ng payo si Erap sa kanyang mga kumpare...
Kapag ang palda ng babae ay may hati sa likod, ang ibig niyang sabihin ay,
“Halika, sundan mo ako!”
Kapag ang hati ng palda ay nasa gilid,
“Halika, tabihan mo ako.”
Kapag ang hati ng palda ay nasa harap,
“Halika, pumasok ka!”
ARE YOU JOKING, ERAP?
Erap went to emergency room...
Erap: Doctor! Doctor! I swallowed a bone
Doctor: Are you choking?
Erap: No, I’m serious!!!
ERAP AT THE OLYMPICS...
Sa olympics may bagong contest...
Ang mag-lalaban ay America, Japan, Russia, at si ERAP ng Philippines.
Ang contest ay kung sino ang maka-kaka-pag-iyak sa elepante.
Na-una ang Amerikano, tinad-yakan ang elepante pero, hinde ito umiyak.
Sumunod ang Hapon, kinarate chop nya pero walang iyak, pa rin!!...
Next na ang Russian, sinakal nya pero walang palag at di umiyak...
Talagang matigas ang Elepanteng ito!!!
Pinag-tatawanan ni ERAP ang kayang mga kalaban....heeheeheee!!!
Lumakad si ERAP at pumunta siya sa likod nang elepante at pinitek niya ang bayag nang elepante at napa-iyak sa sakit ang elepante,
Panalo ang Pilipinas!!! Gold medalist si Erap...
ERAP'S ENGLISH - FILIPINO DICTIONARY ( mukhang mai - insecure si Webster! )
Aspect: pantusok / pandurog ng yelo
City: bago mag-ocho
Deduct: ang bibe
Defeat: ang paa
Deposit: ang gripo
Detail: ang buntot
Devastation: istasyon ng bus
Effort: kung saan nagla-landing ang erflane
Melt: ngamit mantali sa mewang mara indi maulog ang mantalon
Persuading: unang kasal
Depress: ang nagkasal sa persuading
Predicate: pakawalan mo ang pusa
Protestant: tindahan ng prutas
Statue: ikaw ba 'yan?
SI ERAP AT ANG BARTENDER...
Bartender: Sir, tama na po lasing na po kayo
ERAP: Hhhhiiiinnndddeeee ako lashing:
Bartender: Papano po eh talagang lasing na po kayo.
ERAP: Para patunayan kho shaaa yo, nakikita mo ba yung pusa na iyon na papasok dito sa bar?
Bartender: eH, opo SIR.
ERAP: Tignan mo, Isa lang ang mata...ganyan ako katalasss pag nakainom!!
Bartender: Sir, hindi po papasok yung Pusa, palabas po, puwet na po ng pusa yon hindi Mata.
ERAP AT FPJ...
Erap: Pareng Ronnie, akyat ka sa puno, pisilin mo bunga kung hinog na..
FPJ: Okay...
(Umakyat at pinisil ang bunga)
FPJ: Oo pare hinog na...
Erap: Sige baba ka na, sungkitin natin.
HINDI DECAF, NOH....
Erap went to Starbucks....
Erap: Isang kape nga!
Waiter: decaf po ba?
Erap: *Galit* aba syempre, alangan namang de plato!
BREAKFAST IN BED...
Erap and Loi having their breakfast in bed after sex.
Loi: Alam mo hanggang ngayon nag-iinit pa rin ang dib-dib ko sa iyo.
Erap: Paanong hindi iinit yan eh, nakasawsaw and dede mo sa kape.
ngek!!!
HISTORICAL KAPAG NAG - AAWAY...
Minsan, nagkakwentuhan ang magkaibigang Erap at FPJ...
Erap: Pare,may problema ako sa kumare mo. Masyadong historical tuwing nag-aaway kami.
FPJ: Baka hysterical ang gusto mong sabihin.
Erap: Hindi, historical talaga, pare. Kasi pag kami nag-aaway, lagi na lang niyang inuungkat 'yung nakaraan...
GLOW NANG GLOW...
ERAP: halika dito sa kuwarto ko…
LOI: Diyos ko!!!
ERAP: Sara mo yung pinto at patayin mo ang ilaw…
LOI: Diyos ko!!!
ERAP: Tabi ka sa akin.
LOI: Oh my God!!! Heto na... Sabi ko na nga ba!
ERAP: Tingnan mo itong relo ko. GLOW in the dark.
LOI: NGEEEEKKKKKKK!!!
ERAP'S HAIR COLOR...
Erap was just elected president & one of the news reporters goes up to talk to him.
The reporter ask, "Oh congratulations on your victory as a president, now that your president do you plan to dye your hair?
Erap replied, "No my hair is always alive"
hahahahah!!!
MAGIC MIRROR IN MALACANANG...
It is said that there is a magic mirror in Malacanang that slaps anybody who tells a lie.
Sen. Juan Flavier passed by the mirror and said "I think I'm tall," and the mirror slapped him.
Then came President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo. "I think I'm the prettiest woman in the Philippines," and the mirror slapped her.
Then passed President Erap and said "I think . . .," and the mirror slapped him.
NA - HOSTAGE SI ERAP...
Erap and some soldiers were caught in war and held as hostages.
They were all going to die, but were given two options..
Either be injected with the H.I.V. virus, or be shot to death.
Every soldier chose to be shot, but Erap chose the H.I.V. virus.
Soldier: "Erap!, why don't you want to be shot like the rest of us?"
*Whispers*
Erap: "They don't know I'm wearing a condom!"
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Post by nayiasamot on Aug 16, 2014 3:44:49 GMT
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Post by Tomas Aiyan on Aug 19, 2014 3:44:59 GMT
Banat Lines
BOY: Miss? Susi kba?
GIRL:: Bakit??!
BOY:pa_KEYS nga!!
Boy: ang kagandahan mu parang password!!
Girl: bakit???
Boy: kc ikaw lang ang nakaka alam…
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Post by Nayi Asamot on Aug 24, 2014 6:28:45 GMT
BF: Kainis si Juan, sabihin ba naman na mukha ako MAGSASAKA pagkatabi kita!
GF: HAHAHA! Wag ka na magalit nagbibiro lang yun. Bakit nya naman daw nasabi?
BF: Kasi mukha ka daw KALABAW!
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Post by TAS on Sept 3, 2014 5:22:44 GMT
Chinese lessons
That’s not right – Sum Ting Wong (something wrong)
Are you harboring a fugitive? – Hu Yu Hai Ding (who you hiding)
See me ASAP – Kum Hia Nao (come here now)
Stupid Man – Dum Fuk (damn censored word)
Small Horse – Tai Ni Po Ni (tiny pony)
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Post by Funny Saiyan on Sept 9, 2014 11:04:08 GMT
Filipino Officers
President – Pasimuno
Vice-President – kunsintidor
Secretary – Palsipikador
Treasurer – Kubrador
Auditor – Kasabwat
P.R.O. – Tsismoso
Representative – Pahamak
Spokesman – Bolero
Sgt-at-Arms – Tirador
Adviser – Taga-Sulsol
Source: jokes.net
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Saiyan, saiyan... funny, funn
Guest
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Post by Saiyan, saiyan... funny, funn on Sept 19, 2014 10:07:15 GMT
Deodorant: Ateneo- Secret DLSU- Sure UST- Rexona UP- Babes NU- Splash deowhitener PUP- Tawas AMA- Dinikdik na Stork, sing lamig pero di sing mahal.
Multivitamins: UA&P- Pharmaton Ateneo- Rogin-E DLSU- Centrum UST- Clusivol AMA- Star Rice
Favorite Month: DLSU- February (Hearts' day) UA&P- December (Holidays) Ateneo- March (Graduation) AMA- April (Boys) IDOL!!!
Gimik: DLSU- Mondo Ateneo- Fat Willys Beda- Mars CEU- Padis UST- Chatterbox AMA- Di nyo kami maaapi dahil sa Hard Rock kami! May concert doon si Jolina! Behhhh!
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Post by Corny Saiyan on Sept 19, 2014 10:09:23 GMT
Pag may kaaway: UA&P- Aikido ADMU- Judo DLSU- censored wordkwondo UST- Boxing AMA- Sayunachi...Sayonachi...Sayonachinelas ko...TAKBO!
Cellphone orders in Greenhills DLSU- 8810 please. UP- Car charger nga. UST- Extra battery. UE- Two pieces of P1,000 GLOBE cards. AMA- (pabulong) May brochure kayo?
Expressions pag nakakuha ng funny txt: Ateneo - Hahaha, funny! DLSU - Yeah right. UP - 'Tangna. OK to ah. AMA - Tayo na naman ang pinagtatawanan, ah!
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Post by Joker Saiyan on Sept 21, 2014 11:44:26 GMT
=======================================
Reaction to a Lizard
This is how students from the various universities in the Philippines would react after seeing a lizard:
UST: Uy, Piticus lizardus!
UP: Ay, butiki!
Ateneo: Eek, lizard!
La Salle: Hey, La Coste!
=======================================
Birthday Party
Suppose you had a birthday party. You decided to invite the following people:
- your best friend - a humble Atenean - an intelligent La Sallite - a UP student who graduated on time - Batman and Robin - Darna
Suddenly, the lights go out and when it goes on again, your cake is gone. The million-dollar question is:
Who took your cake?
Answer:
Your best friend. All the other guests are merely figments of your imagination.
=======================================
Golf Tournament
Simultaneous golf tournaments were held in the same country club by Ateneo and La Salle students. Consequently, they had to share the same rest rooms.
An Atenean and a La Sallite happened to use the rest room at the same time. As the Atenean was leaving, the La Sallite talked to him.
La Sallite: You're an Atenean, aren't you?
Atenean: Why, yes. How did you know?
La Sallite: Well, you did not wash your hands. We were taught early in school to wash our hands after peeing.
Atenean: Yeah? Well, we were taught early in school not to pee on our hands.
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Post by Kornik Saiyan on Oct 8, 2014 2:23:36 GMT
 Credits to owner |
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Post by MMORPG on Nov 17, 2014 14:22:21 GMT
 Credits to owner |
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Post by Marketer on Nov 18, 2014 0:18:12 GMT
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Post by waley... on Nov 23, 2014 3:28:40 GMT
tatay:nak bili ka nga ng softdrinks.
anak:coke o pepsi?
tatay:coke
anak:plastic o bote?
tatay:plastic
anak:malamig o mainit?
tatay:wag na nga lang tubig nalang.
anak;bote o plastic?
tatay:bote
anak:malamig o mainit?
tatay;papaluin kita
anak;walis ting ting o sintoron?
tatay;lumayas ka
anak;maglalakad o mag bubus?
tatay;pApatayin kita
anak;babarilin o sasaksakin?
tatay;hayop ka
anak;aso o pusa?
tatay: peste!!
anak; daga o ipis?
tatay;bastos to ahhh!
anak: pag walang galang bastos agad di ba pwedeng peste muna?
tatay;lamok o langaw ?
anak:WTF>>!!
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Post by bon quin on Dec 12, 2014 2:35:57 GMT
isang Math class..
Teacher: Pedro, kung ako'y may 5 anak sa unang asawa, 10 naman sa pangalawa, at 3 sa pangatlo; meron akong?
Pedro: Kalandian! Isa kang karengkeng Ma'am.
********** *
Teacher asks her pupils what they want to be in the future...
Kiko: I want to be a lawyer Juan: I want to be a doctor Nene: I want to be a mother Pedro: I want to help Nene
********** *
Guro: Pedro, Totoo bang hindi naninigarilyo, di umiinom. di nagsusugal at di nangchichicks ang papa mo? Pedrol: Opo! Pedro: Wow! Anong sikreto nya? Pedro: walang pera
********** *
Teacher: who can make a sentence then translate it in tagalog? Pupil: my titser is beautiful, isn't she? Teacher:: very good, translate it in tagalog. Pupil: ang guro ko ay maganda, maganda nga ba?
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Post by N on Jan 6, 2015 13:15:39 GMT
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Post by ••, on Jan 7, 2015 5:42:23 GMT
 Source: Jokes Tagalog |
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Post by #wagmadamot on Jan 21, 2015 8:53:09 GMT
Credits to owner |
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Post by #oo nga naman on Apr 27, 2015 14:11:56 GMT
 Credits to owner |
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Post by Oo nga naman on May 3, 2015 12:09:39 GMT
 Credits to owner |
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Post by #kalesa on May 25, 2015 4:46:49 GMT
 Credits to owner |
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Post by #Pinoy OFW on Jun 16, 2015 6:30:30 GMT
 Credits to owner |
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Post by #school=prison on Jun 23, 2015 8:07:51 GMT
 Credits to owner |
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Post by wek week on Sept 16, 2015 11:11:50 GMT
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Post by Tom A. Saiyan on Dec 23, 2015 5:11:56 GMT
dito ko na lang ito ilalagay... parody of Ms. Universe 2015... nakakatawa siya...
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